im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize