I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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