Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I FOUND THE LEGS
The power of my boobs compel you
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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