dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
