The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize