He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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