finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize