i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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