Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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