I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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