Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
the night ended with taco bell and tears
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
