Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
