Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
