I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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