Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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