I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
