you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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