Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
