she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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