Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
