In the future we'll all be gay
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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