well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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