You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
