I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's never too late to be topless.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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