we're chasing vodka with high fives
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize