Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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