this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
