you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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