I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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