Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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