She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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