this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
