he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
