Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Oh god it's open bar.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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