Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I want to fling myself into the sun
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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