hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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