Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
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