my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
