It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
