ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
