So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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