he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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