Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
