you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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