i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
