blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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