It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
