sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Be still, my beating vagina.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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