The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
