4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
