We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
