I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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