Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize