Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
