I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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