I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize