i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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