Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
