I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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