This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
