Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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