your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
