He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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